Justifying My Rebellion

Justifying My Rebellion

I have come to realize that I am a rebel, though not in the traditional sense of the word. 

Every generation has used and defined this word for its own purposes, but all have really implied the same meaning. 

The 1920’s had girls in flapper dresses pushing the modesty limits. 

The 1950’s spurred leather jackets and fast cars and pushed the authority limits. 

The 1970’s, with its long hair and beaded skirts publicly pushed all limits and offered a new high.

And the list goes on. 

Since Eve first chose defiance in the garden, Rebellion has been a theme for every generation. 

But I have never really seen myself as one of those who had a need to push the limits of authority and go against the status quo. 

That is, until recently.

See, I’m that girl who never needed a curfew because the gang I spent all my time with was my Christian friends from church. A hot night for us was usually centered on a rousing run of Disney movies and a shouting game of Bible trivia. I grew up asthmatic, so the idea of smoking was pretty far from my mind, and the amount of alcohol I have consumed in my entire life would fit in a tiny Dixie cup with some room to spare. And cutting class? I was simply terrified. I was certain that the first time I did it would be the one that put me in juvenile detention, and ruin my permanent record forever. And we all know about those permanent records. Truth be told, the first time I ever cut class was in college, and since I was taking classes with my mom at the time, and it was her idea to go to breakfast instead, I thought I was covered.

Because everyone knows that Moms can override permanent records.

So this idea of being a rebel is pretty new to me.

As an adult, the closest I have come to rebellion is going into Walmart through the exit door instead of the entrance.

Sigh.

So when God began showing me that I had a rebellious spirit, I well….uh… rebelled.

Me? Rebellious?

No one would believe it.

But it wouldn’t leave my spirit. I have walked this journey long enough to know that if God wants me to deal with something, it is not going to leave my spirit until I deal with it. It wasn’t long before I knew exactly what He was trying to show me.

It took me 31 years to be baptized by immersion, 17 years to be baptized in the Holy Spirit, and more than 20 to enroll in and complete Bible School. All things at the beginning of this three decade walk that I knew I needed to do.

I have had great excuses. A lot comes into a life in that amount of years, and there is so much I could pull from as really great material for the finest excuses I could need. Let’s face it, with 22 years of marriage, 6 kids and lots of jobs and other commitments, excuses are pretty plentiful.

But it seems that excuses have been a foundational thread for far too long.

All of my life, I have wanted to pursue full-time ministry. All of my life I knew that this was something that God had for me, and up until this point I have wondered why He has delayed so long in bringing it to fruition.

But there comes a point where God wants us to take some steps with the heart and wisdom He has given us. There comes a place where God, as the ultimate Gentleman, chooses not to push where He is not invited.

And the truth is, we either want all He has for us, or we would rather settle in the complacency that comes from rebellion and excuses.

Those things that we justify the most are most likely

the very things that God is trying to change in our hearts.

And I have reached that place where I want no other option than God. No excuses. No justifications. Just simply a life found obedient to His word and His callings. I want to be used to bring Glory to Him and to bring life and hope and encouragement to His children.

So I am checking off those things on my list, the things that met resistance before and praying that God would show me those things still needing to be addressed. I still have no desire to be rebellious. I have chosen to spend my life honoring my Creator and King, and I want all that He has for my life.

I am tired of being a rebel. How about you?